sarolabelle Copyright 2023 The Relationship Notes.Privacy Policy . No. And relinquish some of your time with her so that your husband can have a chance to nurture his own relationship with her.. If youre struggling to get along with your teen or adult daughter, dont hesitate to seek professional help. Also have to add that her father probably doesnt realize it, but at that age I felt like criticism of what I took an interest in was equal to criticism of myself. Yes! Huge difference one is laughing with you, one is laughing at you and I think when your daughter is 12 and you are having trouble getting along that it is on the adult/father to go the extra mile and make sure that you arent being a jackass in an effort to be humorous. Now Im crying at my desk, for some reason. They Dont Want Their Marriage To End Up Like Yours, 4. Anytime someone starts a comment with an um, I dont bother reading it because its bound to be condescending. Theres alot wrong going on here, the parents should definitely get counseling to learn better communication and parenting skills. I wish Id been closer to my mother growing up, but now that Im almost 30, were as close as can be, so maybe itll just take a few years. I literally didnt know that the wonders of Classic Rock existed until I got to college. I went through an accapella phase and a disney phase and a pop punk phase, a Growing pains phase, and on and on, and he rolled his eyes and helped me set the VCR, but wasnt willing to watch it. How are those pre-teen interests? So, based on my experience, its not helpful to your daughter to make it you against him. Dad was self-centered and pretty vain. He never rolled his eyes at me or made me feel less because of what I liked. Sure, he dragged me out on hikes that I hated, and I was a brat and pain during many of them. If your daughter is still willingly doing these activities I dunno since most teenagers are rather bratty and self absorbed and not keen on doing things they dont enjoy Id hazard a guess she finds them more fun than you would like. You have to admit, its kind of fun catching and reeling in the fish. FIONA SAYS: It's never too late to change patterns so long as he's willing. Buffy was popular in what, 1997? While I do agree that you should be encouraging your daughter to share your husbands interests with him (and that includes showing an interest yourself), LW, I think a lot of this falls onto your husband doing kind of a crappy job at parenting. Its rude to disparage someones interests, roll your eyes at them when they talk about them, tell them to stop talking about it because youre annoyed. Seriously, have you heard their new stuff? He is also very critical of both of us, but particularly of her lack of competitiveness (she hates team sports, and takes archery and piano but only for fun), lack of initiative, and being uninformed, to the extent that he gives her assignments, like reading articles from National Geographic and discussing them with him, which, of course, she resents. Before the 12 year was born. If the later is the case, I would seriously consider whether or not husband wants to change and work on himself and if not, I would maybe get out. I really think that both your daughter and husband need to learn compromise and I think you are in the very best position to teach this. a truly horrible driver. We didnt have to share the same interests, but it was spending time with each other that mattered. We had some past issues that affected our relationship. How to Make a Girl Chase You Over Text After Sex, mother is at a loss as to why her husband is driving her daughter, reason is that hes trying to save his daughter, My Boyfriend And His Daughter Act Like A Couple (10 Solutions), Boost Your Friends Mood with These Short Positive Affirmations, Why Some People Are Jealous of Your Success, 110 Millionaire Affirmations to Attract Wealth, 10 Ways To Get a Busy Man to Make Time for Love, 51 Emotional Wellness Goals to Transform Your Life. July 2, 2013, 4:01 pm. In the past, every day held exciting discoveries about the one whose ring you now wear on your finger. We think theyre awesome. It was infuriating. She along with his son & ex wife all live 3000 miles away. The dad needs to get over his superiority complex and then the daughter might stop pulling away. Criticism gets internalized so much more easily at certain ages and coming from certain people something everyone should be more aware of. There are many things I love about my husband. My point is, you have cultivated these interests in your daughter. All these behaviors contribute to the problem and are probably making the daughter less inclined to spend time with him. It may be up to this mom to protect her daughter, especially if the fights she describes keep getting worse. July 2, 2013, 12:31 pm, Happy birthday to your mom! And if the mom feels this strongly about it and him interrupting them, I would bet that she complains about her husband to her daughter, which is not OK. Sophronisba lets_be_honest He's just as cool and aloof with me these days and I'm not sure how I feel about him anymore. Also, this is tangential, but Im always amused/annoyed when people are criticized for being geeks but if the topic at hand were sports, no one would say a thing. NIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE RESPONSE, WENDY! And he doesnt have to hide that. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Instead, hes insisting on discussing National Geographic articles via reading assignments then criticizes her afterword in escalating arguments. Camping? The way hes acting could be a response to feeling alienated, Im sure, but right now it seems hes trying to run a bit of tyrannical household (with the assignments, & the verboten music and television). Seriously, this guy is an asshole. Is It My Fault If My Partner And Daughter Dont Get Along? When I got to college and met all these kids whod been exposed to more high-brow stuff than I had, I definitely felt like I had to play catch-up to at least even have an opinion on this stuff. But talking about that kind of shit non-stop is just BORING. You dont have to love Justin Bieber and Broadway to just ask the kid why she loves it so much. I think the dad most definitely needs to be happy with the daughter he has, and not spend so much energy trying to shame her into being the daughter he wants, So he should act like an adult and not take his frustration out on his daughter by telling her that her interests annoy him. Um, Im in my twenties and all my friends like these things. And thats always stuck with me, and I find myself thinking about it a lot whenever theres something I dont want to do but that I know is the right thing. , so i guess it cuts both ways. Why should your husband treat her that way?? I experienced an adolescence where most of my interests were labeled garbage and where I was told my lack of interest in playing sports was a character flaw that would doom me to failure as an adult. Hopefully, when he sees that it's his entire family that is worried, he'll see that change is needed. Theres no excuse for that. as well, which is probably why this struck a chord with me. But he read the paper and talked about the articles, so I started reading the paper and talking about the articles. He's clearly not interested in her and I don't want to look stupid when I ask him. Or find something neutral. Guy asked me out and now makes me feel bad for saying no. Well done, as always, my friend. Parent first, friend second. People who are closed-off in this way often become so as a result of a previous emotional trauma or traumas. I see it as a dad getting short changed and mom monopolizing time with daughter. Act like one. Hah! Perhaps the dad needs his own assignments on theater, literature and pop culture? If the emotional and sexual connections were rewarding, you may have been intrigued by the Houdini-like escape pattern. Most of which are tucked away out of sight. "I cant win for losing. Parents can gaslight their children and definitely their daughters-in-law, whether they realize that's what they're doing or not. My parents didnt take me to the local library because they hated driving, but they would drag my sister and I on hours-long drives on some Sundays, with stops in the woods to walk around for no apparent reason. That way, everyone gets a say and is sort of forced to share each others interests. My husband has driven our children away with his dictatorial behaviour 04 May, 2019 01:00 You need to be gentle but honest with your friend about her crush MY HUSBAND is not an emotional. Some article about historical events that are echoed in Firefly, for example, or some new technology that brings us one step closer to Star Trek, or the genuine history of witchcraft that was included in Harry Potter. She may come to appreciate some of her dads interests in time, but I hardly think forcing them down her throat is a good way to do that. I think she should have given more advice for the LW about dealing with the husband and his responses to the daughter. At 12, anything my dad would listen to I really had an interest in because I never heard songs like that. bittergaymark I just wanted to point out that even though the LW says the dad rolls his eyes and makes comments about how their behavior annoys him, we dont know the context of that. Why are we judging other peoples interests? July 2, 2013, 12:04 pm. Then she tells me she doesnt wear that anymore and how come I didnt notice? lets_be_honest I was so bad at the sports I was enrolled in that I would cry and beg not to go back, because I was the worst and everyone let me know it. Why Does Your Daughter Wants You To Leave Your Husband? Keeping your cool under stress, responding as calmly as you can, and walking away when you find yourself unable to keep calm are completely within your power and help you claim the power in your home. Like my sister loves Elvis, because my parents use to always listen to the Elvis hour on Sundays on the local oldies station, I didnt like Elvis then, so choose not to listen to it, I put my walkman on with Metallica, and Red Hot Chilli Peppers in it. In return, LW could offer to be extra supportive of the daughter participating in activities with her father that hes interested in as well. Are you on Tumblr? For my husband he has to do all the driving. Aaaaah! Our 17-year-old son is still at home but can't wait to leave to get away from the constant friction and ill-feeling around the house. Ive been there. I resented how I wasnt allowed to pursue my own interests, and how the only interaction from my father was doing something he wanted or berating us about not having his interest and how stupid our own interests were. My dad did tell me they were awful back in the day but he still bought me all the tapes and magazines and t-shirts and let me plaster my walls with their posters and drove me to their concert. I mean ever. Well-said, courtney. He can take care of himself." Like many women,. My first question is, would he want you to go with them when they go camping/hiking/whatever? Im not sure why people think it makes you a bad parent to tell your kid that you dont enjoy some of the same stuff they enjoy and that they can do that when you arent around. My ex-husband had custody for 6 1/2 years. It will also probably be more effective if you can get your children to stand alongside you, at least during the initial intervention and I realise that will be hard. Here are a few things you can do to try and improve the relationship between them: Its not uncommon for daughters to want their parents to divorce. Here are a few things to keep in mind as you navigate this difficult situation. lets_be_honest My free advice e-newsletter, Heroic Love, shows you how to avoid the common pitfalls that keep people from finding and keeping romantic love. Ooh, that was common ground for my dad and sisters and I. Mini golf. Thinks hes hilarious). Please implore him to realize that if one of your daughters peers was reacting similarly to her, the two of you would deplore that child as a Mean Kid. Other times it means standing up for yourself and telling both sides what you think. So the fact that there are things that he likes doing is a good start, and the fact that he wants to do those things with your daughter is excellent. Apparently I am super wrong about This Old House my college friends would just give me a blank stare if I brought it up. Youre caught between two people you love, and you have to figure out how to keep the peace. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, 7 Ticking Time Bombs That Destroy Loving Relationships, The Single Best (and Hardest) Thing to Give Up, 3 Ways to Reclaim Your Hope and Happiness. Its a source of strength, comfort, and love. I even managed to convince him to watch Firefly (he loves Jayne. I discovered them in college and came home like, HOW DID YOU NOT TELL ME ABOUT THIS? And, as I am sure you know from previous experience, exploding doesn't make anything better. Yeah the dictating that she cant even listen to songs sometimes in the car is way over the top. And LW, just because there is communicating going on around you doesnt mean that your family has good, healthy, communication.
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