Join Facebook to connect with Shawn Westover and others you may know. For eight years in a row, Butterfly Express, which was founded by LaRee but is now owned by Val Westover, enjoyed 30%-50% growth each year, said Valaree, but business fell off once Educated gathered a large audience. I had tried to put on my seatbelt but had been unable to extract one of the ends from beneath the seat. "Educated" encourages profound reflection on who one becomes after stepping outside the shadows of family. He called Audrey a lying piece of shit and said that he would be willing to murder her for her treachery (Shawn was often seen brandishing firearms), but he didnt want to waste a good bullet on a worthless bitch.. She made a public show of laughing as Shawn paraded her through the store at the gas station, in front of the people whod witnessed the attack in the parking lot just minutes before. There's also the issue of her trying not to make herself like she deserved her victimhood. She has five older brothers and an older sister. Many members of my family have very high pain tolerances. Tara also recounts this event in great detail in Educated, although her memory of the details is quite different than mine. Shes immediately horrified to find herself paraphrasing, there is a long, typo-filled message from Audrey. Dad said I was hysterical, that Id thrown thoughtless accusations when it was obvious my memory couldnt be trusted. It was a total denial and inversion of reality. Educated by Tara Westover is published by Hutchinson (14.99). Shawn was trying to make you more comfortable, she said. Besides, Tyler doesn't dispute the killing itself, nor the fact that Shawn did do the killing immediately prior to coming in and threatening Tara with the bloody knife Shawn's abusive nature is clear from many of Tyler's stories. If Shawn was indeed a master manipulator, did he learn that from his parents, and did anybody else in the family have such traits? Audrey reveals that no one, after all, has believed her and Taras words about, an eye in a paintball accident and grown a long, thick beard. In speaking about this incident with her sister Audrey, Tara learned that she, too, had been abused by Shawn. It seems hes a victim of what Tara, herself, describes. A Psychologist's Take on Tara Westover's Memoir, Educated A memoir that asks us to deeply reflect on identity and family. Sign up for a free trial here . She was a thing of stone, with no fleshy tenderness. When Tara protested again (her resistance was obviously a trigger for him), Shawn once more pinned Tara to the floor and dragged her to the bathroom, where he shoved her face into the toilet. Like a toy, if a toy could take your head off. It is that ubiquitous airplane video of securing our own mask before those of others near us. They also provided cover for abusive behavior by her black-sheep brother, likely because he had ended up in charge of the non-herbal-oils part of their business world (the junkyard, etc.) I feel really bad for him, because you can tell he's lying to himself. Clearly, Shawn had an appetite for violence. I think being neglected by your parents, especially to this extreme where they basically would allow you to die because of their selfishness and criminal reckless disregard really does a number on you mentally. He and Tara had gone to Preston to spend the evening, and on the way back Shawn ran into a herd of cows. I didn't realize I was going to end up reading a family-drama type of story. Reflecting on it now, Im not sure the injury changed him that much, but I convinced myself that it had, and that any cruelty on his part was entirely new. LaRee Westover feels that she, like Robert Frost, has taken "the path less traveled," and it has made all the difference. Charles was deeply disturbed by the incident and by Taras refusal to acknowledge what had really happened. She was now fully in puberty, which brought increased attention to her body and new efforts by the men in her life to control her sexuality. Shawns reaction was swift and brutal. It seemed like they had reached a breakthrough. Audrey would later recount to Tara via email that she never believed their mother would intervene to stop him and protect her daughters. That's of course appropriate for minor issues, but there are certain horrific crimes that are unforgiveable nor should they be pretended to be forgivable. The mother too, who was captive by her husband, probably didnt register the events as super important, relative to what the norm was. Another thing to consider, to add to my point above. Facebook gives people the power. Tara Westovers Educated has sold 4 million copies. On the one hand, he was a violent abuser who seemed to have little regard for the physical and emotional safety of others. Tara hated the idea of Charles seeing her in this stateas a victim, a helpless pawn of Shawns. She could handle this, I thought. Only Tony, Sometime during Taras month in bed, her brother. Well, I have to call bs on this statement of his: "Although we should always respect reports of abuse (as already described above) and we should not condone actions of abuse, we also should not demonize those who are accused as being perpetrators of abuse. Who is Audrey Westover? He harshly chastised her for her friendship with Charles, a young man she met at the theatre, telling Tara that she was developing a reputation for being that kind of girl. He also started calling her a whore for wearing makeup and lip gloss. Megan Cox Westover is probably Shawn's wife, because there are tons of pictures of a little boy with an oxygen tube on her Facebook. It dawned on her that Shawn was astride her, choking her with both hands, while screaming Slut! and Whore! It was only through the intervention of her mother and Tyler that Tara survived the assault. A fairly large bump quickly formed on my moms head just above her forehead. One night when they were alone, Shawn confronted Tara about her conversations with Audrey. Tara says her father is a (Mormon) fundamentalist, which infers that he believes in polygamy. How Tara Westover was abused by her brother as a child, Why Tara's parents set up the children for failure, How Tara ultimately broke out of her parents' grasp and succeeded for herself. Scholarship to Cambridge? Nonetheless, I was left feeling that the story was not fully told, and I resented that since when I picked up the book, I did not think I was going to be pulled into a family drama. He astutely asked me, Does she have Stockholm Syndrome? Although I had never considered it, being so absorbed by the memoir, there is a good chance he was absolutely right. When Mother hears the news, she says that, herself be hurt. I mean, its not my way of looking at it, Westover said. Tara came home from her sophomore year of college for Thanksgiving. During the same accident, my two top front teeth were knocked loose, so a few days later I went to a dentist (or endodontist perhaps). Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Westover was being openly terrorised by her volatile physically abusive brother Shawn. Could she find evidence? Luke has said that the pain was not very bad, but considering the nature of the burn, that is difficult to understand. After the accident, I did not notice that she called any of us by the wrong name any more often than she had before or had any other long-term memory or cognitive problems. Because I got a gun in my truck that will make a lot less mess. Dad couldnt suppress his grin. But I think part of respecting yourself, actually, and your ability to have your own ideas is respecting other peoples right for the same. Westover remains estranged from about half of her family, including her parents, she said. He cant quite accept reality, perhaps the blow would be too painful - to really grasp how utterly selfish and contemptible the patriarch and matriarch are. These are the challenging aspects of her story. The only assurance I had that she was still alive was the fact that the book had been published post hoc. But that leaves me still wondering about the relationship with "Shawn," and the depth of what really happened with him and with her. We will never know Shawn's "side" of the story, and by that I don't mean his excuses for abuse, but what kinds of emotions he had been going through during all of the key events: Jealousy, inadequacy, loss of control, resentment of his family, rage, disdain for women, etc. As a therapist to young adults, many of whom come from ample privilege, I am struck by how hard some have fought for their education such as Westover, while others waste it away, calling all of life beyond their screens a bore. Memoirs (French for memory or reminisce) focus on personal experience, intimacy, and emotional truthmemoir writers often play with their memories and with real life in order to tell a good story. Tara tries to tell herself that shes crying only from the painthat. Surprisingly, it worked, probably by cushioning Richards impact, although her instinct to save Richard likely added to making her own injury worse. The book also opens with, and repeats, the refrain that Tara's only telling her side of the story, and that different people have different narratives, that memories can be unreliable, and so on. She also did not pick up on Richards apparent miraculous escape from injury or correctly remember my moms head injury, all of which to me are among the most salient features of the event. Tara's mother, father, and abusive brother are all horrible, horrible people and they should be condemned in the strongest terms. It is worth noting that in Taras first draft description of this accident, she wrote that no one called the police and the police were not involved at all because my dad did not want them there. In the middle of the road, Tara can see, phone to call home and tell Dad what has happened. He has a review up on Amazon where he devotes one line to say something to the effect of "oh sure, I have no doubt there was abuse"as if this is something that should just be discounted, because he's been so desensitized to it - and then he spends the rest of the review trying to defend the family's actions. Tara Westover's parents Val and LaRee Westover were radically religious and lived a survivalist lifestyle that they forced upon Tara and her six siblings. Other warning signs of Shawns unstable and combative personality soon emerged. I actually think this mostly validates Taras experience. Beginning when Tara is a teenager, he taunts and abuses her. The blades were made of dense iron, twelve inches thick and five feet across. I also had a pretty oppressive dad, and so my brothers actions relative to my dads tyranny probably didnt trigger the need to remember details. Even if, let's say, she had been been verbally sassy with her brother "Shawn," once he started threatening her with a knife, threatening to kill her, physically holding her in a painful and injury-threatening position, shoved her head into the toilet, yanked her hair and made her fall into the bathtub, and so on, does it matter whether she said something less-than-cordial to her brother? So while I understand Tyler is probably trying to come from a place of mercy and reconciliation here, it's a dead wrong and demeaning attitude in response to significant abuse. Gene Hill Westover passed away March 6, 2018, he was born August 20, 1931 in Granger, UT to Nina and Arthur Westover. What's clear in all of his writings is how he ABSOLUTELY MINIMIZES the abuse Tara receives. Shawn is a violent and threatening presence in the memoir. She recalls passing the time with him by playing elaborate word games, learning trucker lingo, eating junk food, and playing video gamesall new experiences for her. Shawn, of course, saw an opportunity to inflict maximum humiliation and emotional trauma on his younger sister. He finally wrote her a letter claiming that he never wanted to speak to her again, and warned her to stay away from his wife and daughter. Shawn pinned her down to the floor (just out of view of everyone else), cutting off airflow through her windpipe. Your email address will not be published. In the course of this attack, Tara broke her toe. In order to convince Tara that police were actually present at the accident, I had relay to her that they had given me a ticket for crossing the centerline of the road and that they had taken many pictures of the accident, some of which showed the police cars and which they gave to me. The conflict is very real and one that many of us have dealt withhow do we honor our families especially when mental illness causes such deep disruption in our own equanimity? If "Shawn" did any of those things (and it appears the family disputes none of the incidents in their essential details -- at least when they were present), then scrutiny of Tara's role in them could easily slide into victim-blaming. She also doesn't delve far into her rejection of Mormon beliefs (other than her realizing she wouldn't want to be part of a polygamy situation, whether in real life or in heaven). It would be an evening Tara would never forget. Thats actual proof, plus comments from others who actually witnessed her brothers violence. It was disheartening reading about Westovers first brushes with the pulchritude of Italy juxtaposed with desperate emails and calls from family a world away. In fact, I hardly see it as a story of Mormonism at all, only a subtext that lingers in the background. The book goes into that somewhat, but for example when it discusses how her understanding changes, it provides some basic stark examples -- she hadn't ever heard of the Holocaust, she had a gap of 100-year ignorance between the end of slavery and the rise of the civil-rights movements -- but then only skirts along the surface of what she learns beyond that (she name-checks John Stuart Mill, Mary Wollstonecraft, Hume, Hobbes, etc. I also typically am not drawn toward memoirs as a genre. The answers seemed to come back that no one in the back was badly hurt. Tara insisted that he didnt need proof, that the truth was plain and obvious and had been right in front of his face for years.
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